What My Dog Thinks About at Night

If you are human, then you are probably wondering what dogs think about (and dream about, for that matter). Therefor, I am here to answer that question- and tell you what my favorite Border Collie, Darwin, thinks about at night. Yesterday was his birthday and my cat, Momo, caught him a particularly juicy mouse. Anyway, here are a few of his thoughts that wander through his head at night.

-Where is my food and why are they not giving it to me? 

-How can the cat use that litter box, I'd rather use the fireplace..

-Why are the humans doing their business in my big, porcelain water bowl?

-They are asleep and forgot I am still in the house. I shall play the song of my people.

-When are they going to microwave me a burrito?

-I can't believe there are no squirrels out at night, I bet they went to a party without me. 

-Somebody just drove up the driveway. I had better bite their tires.

-The tires tasted good so I think I shall pee on them.

-The humans don't like pee on their tires. I am in time-out in the living room.

-They are watching TV and a doorbell rang on the TV, I'll go bark at it.

-It wasn't a real doorbell. 

-Why do humans stare at those glass reflection rectangles where they see their face?

-There is another me inside of the glass reflection rectangle. Uh-oh.

-The other me is friendly, so I peed on him and tried to sniff his butt. 

-He is copying me and refuses to turn around.

-The humans are not happy about my urination on what they call the "mirror".

-When is morning and why can't I tell time?

-It is 3:00AM, according to the humans, and they still won't walk me. 

-They won't throw my stick either. :(

-I found a shoe. It is delicious. but is a little salty and needs more seasoning.

-Yuck. This underwear tastes like garlic. 

-Why don't I wear pants?

-I tried on human pants.. -SELFIE-

-Humans unhappy with my use of their iPhone to take a doggy selfie. #kibbles&bits

-That hashtag made me hungry.

-Where is my food bowl? 

-It is outside...and I can't open doors.

-Cat food tastes great. Cat is mad, though. 

-Cat kicked me out so I climbed into bed with Human.

-Human unhappy that I licked their face.

-So I licked their feet. Yum, I need some toast for this toe jam :P

-The sun is rising. I want to howl at it to go faster. 

-I howled at it. Howling= not effective at speeding up the sunrise process.

-Human unhappy that I howled for five straight minutes. 

-They put me outside.. YAY I CAN PEE ON EVERYTHING NOW!

-Squirrel unhappy that I peed on it.